Setting Boundaries & Being Generous — A People Pleaser’s Guide
A big heady question coming your way today…
Is it possible to be too generous when supporting other writers?
The answer is more complex than it may first seem, trust me
Since I started using LinkedIn more regularly to connect with other writers, I have been thrust into the very fortunate position of being someone that (some) writers reach out to for advice.
(Such a pinch-me moment to be in a place where people request your advice and expertise!)
But, as the requests continue to increase steadily, my bandwidth to address each one with my full attention has naturally decreased — but that isn’t inherently a bad thing.
If you are finding yourself in the position to provide mentorship to other writers but are feeling overwhelmed,
I want you to know that I feel you, I see you, and you are not a “bad” or “non-generous” person because you can’t take it all on.
To tackle these feelings myself, I have reframed my guilt using the following guidelines,
Which I hope will help you navigate these feelings more clearly, as they have massively helped me achieve this goal.
Let’s get into it!
You need to genuinely believe that your time is valuable
First and foremost, to be a generous mentor, you must understand your time’s power and value.
(For many, this is easier said than done, but I promise, it’s worth doing the work for)
If you find that, more often than not, you are quick to give away time that you had planned to set aside for your own personal work or development to help others
(Hi hello, this is me, I do this all the time)
I highly recommend practicing more mindful blocking of your work schedule.
For me, I do this in two ways:
I block off time in my daily work schedule to work on personal projects and tasks I want to achieve
In my time tracking app, I created “Claire Bonneau” as a client, and I track my hours the same I do for any other clients
These two small changes have helped me change the way I approach work that is just for me,
And have also helped me better understand my current capacity to help others.
Outside of the time I set aside for myself, I am more than willing to be generous and helpful to others,
And because I set aside time to get my personal work done, I can allow myself to provide more detailed and comprehensive support knowing that I am not doing it at the deficit of getting my own tasks done, too.
Take the airplane safety approach
If you have ever taken a flight, you know that every trip begins with a (sadly often ignored) safety demonstration about what to do in the case of an emergency.
During said instructions, there is always a section that addresses possible cabin pressure changes,
Which results in the release of oxygen masks from the roof to help ensure that you can breathe
(Very serious stuff people, always listen to your kind air stewardess team!)
When the masks get released, the first instruction that is ALWAYS said without fail:
“When applying the oxygen mask, be sure to apply your own before offering assistance to children and other guests”
(I know this is a bit of a labored connection here, but go with me)
Basically, this same principle exists for assisting other writers — if you are not currently in control over your own shiz, you should not be over-extending to help others.
The definition of “in control” is different for everyone,
But chances are, you will fluctuate through times of having the capacity to help others, and times when you need to just focus on yourself and your own work,
(And both situations are totally fine!)
Remember that you need to help yourself first before you can help anyone else, and if you feel overwhelmed and out of control, it is unethical for both you and the person you are helping to focus on them first.
Do you first, second, and third pal — and once you are feeling more in control, then you get to help others around you!
Know it’s OK to say no or not reply
Sometimes, there just isn’t enough time in the day to address every request, question, or kind introduction that is sent your way,
And, despite what my people-pleasing brain says, THIS IS OK AND NORMAL.
To be productive and as helpful as I can be,
I have had to learn that there are a few situations where I have to let the messages go by the wayside.
Here are a few examples of situations that I personally no longer reply to:
When I receive 5+ messages from a person in one day
When the person asks too many vague or personal questions in a row
When any messages come across as condescending or rude
These are just my personal rules for leaving someone on read — but I highly encourage you to make your own so you can better set boundaries and protect your peace.
(While saving your energy and answers for those who reach out in a way more in line with your values and comfort level)
You will need to make up your own rules and boundaries
This is something that is relatively new to me, but it is something that I feel very passionate about creating a personal mantra about.
I want to be as generous as I can be — but never at the expense of my own workload, mental capacity, or emotions.
How do you approach helping other writers or creatives when they slide into your DMs?
Reply and let me know — I’m super interested to hear how other creatives manage to be a supportive player while also protecting their peace.
Best of luck!